Da' Boids
A Horror Story in Two Acts
Authors: Members of the Golden Stag Players and
Viscountess Tatiana Nikolaevna Tumanova

Performed: The Beacon's Gate Boar Hunt, December 14 AS XXXI (1996)

The Golden Stag Players have an annual picnic on the weekend of the 4th of July, which is a chance for us to get together for no other reason than to hang out. Well, we invited some other friends as well, because they're fun folk (Viscountess Tatiana and her husband Viscount Garth of Windhaven), and among the various discussions of play ideas, this one came up ... it was so funny, that we actually threw it together right there on the spot.

This is the shortest play we've ever done. Including the prologue, it's about 2.5 minutes in length ...

Synopsis: If you've seen Hitchcock's "The Birds", there's nothing else to say. If you haven't, well ... it won't be as funny, but ...

Incidents: None, but lots of thanks go to Anne of Ockham who drove Wulfric to rehearsal both times, and provided a lot of ideas for the program ... (not to mention her sparkling personality <grin>).

 Videos: Videos are available online (as well as the DVD below...):

 DVD: Available on the same DVD as Peermalion, contact Hirsch for details (probably $5-10, just to cover the cost of the discs, the case, etc. and any postage would need to be tacked on).

 The Script: Da Boids (PDF)

The Cast:

Pelican 1Juan (Blackbird) Santiago
Pelican 2Wulfric of Seagull
Pelican 3Rose Flamingo
Pelican 4Seamus Padraig O'Goonie
Pelican 5Joanna Melissa (Bowerbird) Ronsivalle
Pelican 6Hirsch von Pelican
CandidateMargrethe Astrid Ravn

From the Program:
The bottom of the program (it was done as a single sheet) had lots of blank space, so we just had to play with it ... it had the following filler:

(Filler, so we don't waste all this space ...)

Why did the Pelican cross the road?
A) Insufficient Reluctance!
B) Because someone asked him to.
C) There was a job to be done!
D) Nobody else was available.
E) All of the above.

Q: Where does a 400 lb. Pelican sit?
A: Officer's Point!

Q: How do you make a Pelican float?
A: IBC, Ice Cream and one Pelican.

What a wonderful peer is the Pelican,
His back can hold more than his belly-can
His back can maintain the load of a reign
And I don't see how in the Hell-he-can!

Q: What's black and white and red all over?
A: A Chronicler!

How can you tell a Pelican's been in your refrigerator? Fish heads in the cream cheese.

Why shouldn't you walk by the Royal Pavilion at 9 in the morning? 'Cause that's when the Pelicans jump out of their meeting! Why is there a bloody spot on the eric? Because the Pied d'Argent were practicing in front of the Royal Pavilion at 9 am. What do you find between a Pelican's toes? Slow moving dancers.

The next two were not included in the program, due to a lack of space, but were pretty good (humour being relative, after all ...), so ...:

Q: How do you get down off a Pelican?
A: Jump!

Q: What did the grape do when the Pelican sat on it?
A: It let out a little wine.

Well, maybe you had to be there ...