It’s been since July that I wrote anything here, but I’ve been busy, I guess.
Today I feel like a “pity post”, on a place no one reads, so that’s fine.
I spend my days by myself, with the cats at the best. This is due to the fact that I really am trying to not work retail, but can’t find a job in any field I’m qualified for. I say this, not because of the job thing, but just to point out that I really spend most of my time by myself.
Humans are social critters.
So, when my wife comes home from work, exhausted, I tend to want to chat. However, she doesn’t want to talk about anything. She’s tired, wiped from work and commute, and just needs down time.
When she has a weekend with no obligations, same thing.
She has a best friend who sometimes forces her to go out and do something (lunch, whatever).
I used to, before we were married. But life changed, he moved on, is living far enough away that I can’t really see him, and he’s married as well. Has a pretty full life that doesn’t really include me except once in a while. That’s fine, but …
So here’s the problem. I spend all my time by myself, even when my wife is home. Yeah, okay, we watch movies AT HOME, a lot, and I make dinner and all that. But honestly, I can’t just “chat” with someone. She can call her best friend and chat for hours. I don’t have anyone that close. I don’t make that kind of friend easily. Most of the guys I know are in committed relationships and have very busy lives.
So here I am feeling lonely. Feeling pitiful … and now for fuck’s sake tears are welling up in my eyes as I type because I feel that crappy. All this because I walked downstairs after doing a few things on the computer, said “Hi” and got a huge, put-upon sigh from herself, followed by a stupid argument …
Shit. I can’t even just curl up on the bed and read or sleep because she took the sheets off the bed to wash them. Ugh. Poor poor pitiful me. Guess I’ll sit here and eat worms.