Feeling … odd. Not angry. Not frustrated. Not happy. Just … odd.

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So, it’s now the start of third week after being laid off (last Sunday of April).

If someone brings up the parent corporation that was responsible for my current employment concerns, yeah, I’ll feel a bit angry, a bit hurt, seriously annoyed at a few people … but that’s already dulling down a bit.

The job search is, not surprisingly, a bit tough. For-Profit colleges are under fire by the federal Board of Education, they’re really trying to put them out of business. The goal apparently is to get more and more students in community colleges. However, many jobs as an instructor in those schools require a Master’s Degree, which I don’t have.

A friend of mine (whom I met in the SCA) who is almost done with her PhD (finishing the Doctoral Thesis phase) gave me a bunch of websites to check out that are aimed at the academic world. I’ve been tinkering, filling out profiles, using search options …

Last week I also sent my resume off to 7 different Corporate Training jobs. I have a sneaking suspicion that may be the way to go. It may not. Some of them require huge amounts of travel (one is at 65% or something like that).

I’ve had a couple dBASE coders contact me with potential work, but I am trying to avoid falling into that trap. I was never very happy doing that kind of work. I mean, it was challenging, and it paid okay, but … I never really liked it that much.

Honestly, I really just want to work for someone at a job I am good at (and hopefully enjoy) until I’m 65, and see how the retirement options look at that point.

I have received a contact list of former Heald people from our campus, which has email addresses and phone numbers. I have a decent list of references. My resume looks pretty durn good, if I may say so. It’s just trying to find work now. Not an easy task.

I have never liked the job search process, but I know few people who really do. It’s a bit hard on the ego. You send your resume out into the ether (it’s all done electronically these days) and hope someone actually reads it, actually thinks you may be worthy of contact, etc. Most of the time if you hear anything back, which 99% of the time you don’t, it is negative. It can be brutal.

Today was a weird one for me. I spent quite a bit of time this morning setting up a profile on a relatively new Academic site, not feeling all that confident it will do me much good. I did some job searches, but didn’t find much. Didn’t actually apply for anything, but the one site includes an upload of my resume. So I feel I did something there.

I’ve been slowly working on a new dBASE book, meant to bridge the changes from the last book to the current release (and future release) of the software, but the challenges are pretty steep. Mostly the issue is in understanding how to work with dBASE through to SQL Server databases. My brain wants to just go with the way I’m used to dealing with databases, which is all local-table — very interactive — once you change a record anyone on the network can see the change. It is not that straight-forward with SQL Server databases. Argh. I’m trying to get a grip on the concepts, and how to actually interact with the data in the most efficient way, and explain it to readers who have done dBASE development the way I have over the years. Boy, when I set myself a task, it’s not an easy one.

Of course some of the feeling of defeat comes from doing my best to think positive when everyone knew Heald was going under. I really wanted to believe the folk at the Heald corporate office would convince one of the buyers to do it. Hope against hope, I guess. When you put that much into it, and then lose anyway, it’s pretty disheartening.

Oh well. Anyway, I’m feeling like I am getting nowhere real fast, which is really my “odd” feeling. I promised myself I would try to avoid this, but the older I get, the easier it is to feel this way, I fear. I know there is stuff getting done, but it doesn’t feel like anything’s getting done. That’s hard. I’ll get through it, I’m sure. I’ll find a job, I may even find the one I stay in until I retire (which is, honestly, what I was hoping for with my last job …). Until then, I’ll keep citing the Pixar movie Finding Nemo: “Just keep on swimming …”. I need to find the positive me. I need to stay up-beat. I need to not feel defeated. I have former students pulling for me, ones that I connected with shortly after the school got closed. I have lots of friends pulling for me, offering advice (asked for or no), all because they want to see me do well. That’s good … it does help, seriously.

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About Ken Mayer

Who am I? That is the question, isn't it? Over the years I have been many things. I assume this will continue. At the moment, I am actively seeking work. I am married to my wife of 23 years, am active in the SCA (Society for Creative Anachronism, Inc.) ... and much, much more. The purpose of this WordPress site is to put my "Autobiography" here, allowing for easier commenting and such. We'll see how that goes.

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