Been A While …

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So, this part of the year has been weird. It’s now nearly the end of March, and the last post was in January. Reasons … lots of reasons.

First, I had moved all the posts from here to the CMS I have been building. I figured I wouldn’t post here anymore. However I haven’t been working on the CMS for some time. I reached a point where every time I bring up the code, I just kind of stare at it, and my notes, and go “meh”. Close the editor, go do something else. I have no idea why that is. I am sure I’ll find that drive again, but right now it’s just … not happening.

Second, I’ve been feeling pretty bleah about life, the universe, and everything for some time. Life just feels like it’s passing me by. I am not truly depressed, again, I have never felt anywhere close to clinical depression that I am aware of, but I just really haven’t felt like doing much of … anything.

Coding doesn’t excite me right now, job hunting is always painful more than anything else, I spend more time in the house than out (of course some of that has been the weather — this last rainy season we got close to 200% our usual rainfall here in N. California in most places … meant a lot of indoor time — cabin fever is a real “thing”).

CJ’s work has been exhausting her, last week three out of five days she worked 12 hour shifts (give or take a bit, but then add in the commute time …). On the plus side, her boss still loves her, she got a raise again this year with a nice bonus.

Overall health seems to be good. I’ve been hitting the gym regularly three days a week, etc. CJ’s health seems to be okay, although she’s reaching the point of wanting to do something about her weight, but not really doing much except mention it. She has to decide when to do things, so …

I dunno. I felt I needed to post something, but for the most part, there hasn’t been a lot to talk about.

I have a contract with a company based in Maryland, doing Microsoft Training on a very sporadic basis for the VA in Mountain View. The biggest difficulty is the commute. Just getting to the interview which was not in rush hour took nearly two hours. Rush hour could be worse. I guess we’ll find out. in a couple weeks when I do two days back-to-back of Excel training. On the plus side I was able to negotiate to a higher pay than most of the instructors that the company hires. I was able to do so by pushing cost-of-living here in CA, and the fact that commute for this will be a bitch, etc. We’ll see how that goes. After the training next month the next sessions are in July. When I say “sporadic”, I mean it.

My sense of self-worth goes up and down a lot lately. I think most of this is my inability to get much coding done (see above), but then as an example an issue came up this weekend which I was able to fix (with a little help) with the web forms on the SCA websites that I use. (Turns out the ISP changed something and didn’t tell anyone … which caused a problem with a single line of code …)  Lows and highs. (I put that in that sequence, because there seem to be more lows than highs …) Sigh.

Ugh. Anyway, I really felt a need to say something, so here it is. I am mostly in the dumps/depressed lately, not getting much of anything done. The amount of money in the bank goes down faster than it goes up anymore. I am going to have to find a real job soon, even if it means working at some job that has nothing to do with anything I’m trained for or really have any interest in. Sigh. Seriously more depressing …

Of course, eventually this post will need to be put into the CMS and I will need to spend time actually fixing the things I need to fix. But getting the “want” and the “need” up is hard. But I do want to use some of that for other projects. It’s just been hard to get past that “don’t wanna” …

Well, I realized while I was whining here that there was something I needed to update, so I should go do that. So, hitting the Publish button and away I go.