Complain much?

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Yeah, I realize that sometimes it feels like the only time I update this is because I need to vent … but here we go …

On the plus side, I think I’ve started to pull out of the bad head space with the projects that have been on hold. I started back on the course outline for the online course, because it’s starting to click into place. Still not back on the PHP/CMS project, but I’ll get there.

On the down side, I really started feeling down about the job search this morning, and mentioned it to my wife. Urf. Only did that because she was home (working from home today so she can deposit some SCA funds to the account later). I look at job postings and just feel like I’m over-qualified or under-qualified for everything out there, and/or my age is a factor against me. I have applied to I don’t know how many jobs, and seldom hear back, the few times I do it is rejection … I know I shouldn’t take it personally, and I try not to, but after 8 months of job hunting, I feel like I am never getting back into the job market. It’s hard to deal with …

I almost posted a self-pity message on Facebook but I hate it when my friends do that, and don’t want to do it to them …so I’m posting it here. I feel like shit about my prospects in the job market. I don’t even know what to look for anymore.

AND sitting in the back of my head is the results of the last PSA (Prostate cancer blood test) — the numbers are going up. By this time next year if they continue at the rate they are now, I will probably have to have surgery … ugh. The prospect scares me, because there is a bundle of nerves right by the prostate gland, and if they touch them they could cause impotence and worse incontinence. Impotence I could deal with, that’s what all those meds on the market are about … there are no meds for the other. I don’t want to live the rest of my life in a diaper (or equivalent). So that’s in the back of my head lately … making me a little crazy … or crazier …

Sleep patterns are bad …

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I don’t know what causes this, but for the last week or more, I start to sleep and somewhere up to an hour later I snap awake and am wide awake. My wife thinks it is the lack of exercise, and she may have something there. Neither of us is getting anything in theĀ  way of that. The daily walks stopped when I came down with a combination of sick and lethargy, and then the weather went freaking cold, and now it’s rainy a lot. Hard to establish (or re-establish) that routine. We do have nearby “gyms” but I am not sure if they’re the type we’re interested in (just use the equipment, no trainers, etc.). We may have to check.

Am thinking about trying a Tylenol PM tonight just to try to change the pattern and sleep a solid night through (that alone would be nice). It was so bad last night that after taking the wife to work, having my morning yogurt and coffee, doing a couple things on the computer, I lay down on the bed to read and woke up about 2 hours later very stiff and sore (had rolled onto my side and hadn’t really moved). Good grief. It’s left me groggy since.

On the plus side the head cold seems to be backing off. There’s still a lingering bit of sinus. But that’s about it. I had plans for jumping in to stuff today, but I’m all discombobulated. Bleah. May just go downstairs and watch a movie or something. Sheesh.

Longish week …

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… which is weird, considering it started with a holiday (Martin Luther King, Jr. Day). The problem is somehow or other (no clue, really) I came down with a head cold. In the grand scheme of things, it was not the worst cold, but I truly hate being sick — the fog when using meds to keep the sinuses under control, the feeling helpless/weak/etc. Worse, the spouse used up the Nyquill last time she was sick and we didn’t have any. Made sleep a bit harder, and I kept forgetting during the day to do something about it, because of the fog in my brain from taking Sudafed for a few days. I seem to be on the downside of that (not taking any meds yesterday or today … still not 100%, but much better) — can breath through my nose without feeling like I’m drowning, not using much kleenex, all that.

Still haven’t gotten a lot done. It was a week of getting a few things done in the morning, watching some tv or a movie in the afternoon, and often napping (usually by accident) in the middle of whatever I was watching. Oy.

CJ is in the middle of the worst part of the SCA Exchequer job — end of year and “Domesday” reports … if she didn’t have to work with all the local branch heralds, she’d probably be okay, but the cat-herding part is the thing she hates the most. Oh well.

It means among other things even less socializing than we do normally, which is really bad. We have some outstanding “We should get together …” invites from a few people, but trying to find a time is hard. June Crown cannot come soon enough (it is when she steps down, although she’ll be helping her successor, it does mean less involvement for her).

Got a bit of coding done yesterday, but this was in dBASE. Someone posted some code that works with the Windows API that solved a really old problem for something I’ve been using for years. Had to re-code some things to make it work, but it works like a charm. Yay! It’s always nice … of course, this is for an application that I have plans to move to the web, but until then …

I figured out a few things to help with the online course I want to build. I haven’t started doing more than a basic outline for the course, but a bit at a time. I hope next week to really dive in and work on it. And of course, I keep telling myself I need to do better on the job search. Erf. I need to work up a couple elevator speeches and send them to someone who is willing to help with my resume, but she wants those first. I hate elevator speeches, I never use the damn things for ANYTHING. Oh well. (I think they’re a good theory, but I don’t think in the real world they are effective.)

This is turning into a typical “random” post. Ah well. Just thoughts as they strike me when I start writing these things.

So last night watching Bill Mahar’s “Real Time” on HBO, one of the guests was Seth MacFarlane (“Family Guy” and other stuff). I have always thought he was smart and funny, I discovered he also has a couple jazz albums out. Off to Amazon. Am listening to one now. He’s got a great voice. Who knew?

Well, off to (re-)burn the DVDs for the Golden Stag Players show at 12th Night (Beowulf: The Commedia). I have to re-do the DVDs, because of an error in the credits. Sigh. Worse, I had to re-do the credits completely because I hadn’t saved the project, thinking I was good. I had backed everything up (raw videos, final versions of videos, not the project). Dork.

And as I type I am getting more and more frustrated by the fact that the space bar doesn’t always work on this keyboard. It’s one I’ve had for a long time, but sheesh. I may have to replace it …

End of the Week …

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Got some things done, just not feeling all that productive in general. Ended up sleeping (napping) more than expected, but getting used to the alarm at the usual time when herself goes to work is tough after two weeks (one gets spoiled).

Tonight herself is going to SF to see the latest Tarantino (H8ful Eight), I’m not because honestly after the last one (Inglorious Basterds) I find his blood baths to be too much. I still like Pulp Fiction and Kill Bill, but I can compartmentalize those easier (think of them as odd, violent, bloody cartoons). So, I’m on my own on a Friday Night. I am pretty sure it will be boring as all get-out.

I put together a list of things I plan on doing (that have nothing to do with getting a job), because sometimes lists help. I have it sitting on the screen on the right, reminding me … so maybe I’ll actually get in there and get working on them. That’s the goal. I am hoping my recent “fix” for some code for another SCA office will help get me out of the slump on the web coding I was starting and roadblocked on.

I am planning on jumping into at least some of that pretty hard on Tuesday (was going to be Monday, but it’s MLK, Jr. day and herself will be home from work). I also need to really ramp up the job search stuff. I keep meaning to, and I start looking and I get distracted (duh … I know, that’s just me not really wanting to do it — something I need to get over).

I am going to blow off most of the day, I think, but I need to start feeling more productive. I am getting the usual stuff done for the SCA, just nothing new. Ah well. Whine, moan, whimper, groan. Get over it. I’ll be fine, just trying to get out of the mental slump.

Trundling Along …

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Not really getting anywhere. Of course, I didn’t win that huge Powerball lottery that was half of the news lately. (Sheesh!) I got really tired of watching the news for awhile. Hopefully people will mellow out for a bit.

SCA 12th Night came and went. It seems to go by too quickly sometimes. I did the video for the latest GSP play — somehow the camera ended up at a slight angle which is annoying to me, but it’s not huge. After the first couple minutes you don’t notice. The show was funny, but not the best thing the troupe has done. No bars were raised, and I think some of it was “phoned in”. Oh well. The audience liked it, and that is of course important.

We’re getting invited to more non-SCA parties (mostly by people we know in the SCA), which is nice. We know some great people … socializing with them is always fun.

This week I ended up fixing/modifying some web code for the Scribes (in the SCA). Apparently the original coder was attempting to fix some security issue when writing to the database, all I did (really) was change it to email the information to the head scribe, rather than write to the database (which is what I was asked to do). Didn’t really want to deal with the database. Got it done fairly quickly.

The success there has me leaning toward working more on the one thing I had been working on but stopped. I am getting there. It’s tough.

A friend is looking at my resume, but wants me to do elevator speeches for areas I would like to work. I keep balking … sigh. I need to get cracking on that.

CJ is back to work this week, which is great. Having her home actually wasn’t bad, but there were days I felt like I had to tip-toe around the house. Of course, I need to get back into the workforce, have whined and moaned a lot about that, but I do need to do it. I’ll find something, but it’s frustrating as always.

Watched the State of the Union speech Tuesday — as always Obama was spot on. He has been an amazing President, against all odds. I have huge respect for he and the First Lady. I wish that Congress and the Senate had been a bit more Democrat — a lot more could have been done. The political scene is so weird out there these days. Ah well.

On the plus side — CJ got the highest rating on a job review possible at Wells Fargo, which hopefully will mean a good-sized raise/bonus. Her boss loves her, and she works really hard for him.

Less bitching today …

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Okay, yesterday I was in a bad mood when I posted. I normally try to avoid that, but oh well. Some randomness is this post … just a warning (if anyone actually reads it).

Today was okay. Got up later than planned because I’m sleeping weirdly (woke up after 7am). I come to bed around the usual time (9-10), read, crash. Then I wake up an hour or so later. End up tossing and turning, or reading … until I am ready to crash again. Throws me off a bit.

Anyway, ran a few chores this morning (gas the car, drop something off at FedEx in downtown WC, haircut, and Trader Joe’s, if you must know). No particular thing to write about, except people can be stupid (driving, walking in a store, whatever). Sigh. Oh well. If it weren’t for all those other people …

After that it’s been pretty much a do a little here, a little there, but nothing significant kind of day. BUT, nothing bad, either.

My wife and I have been watching Breaking Bad because a friend loaned us the DVDs (although I think we’re missing one season, we’ll see). We’re close to the end of the third season … weird show. You start to like some of the characters, but you really want to beat them up for being so stupid at times. Sigh. Not into glorifying drug culture (and the show doesn’t … really … — no more than The Sopranos glorified the Italian gangsters in New York). Have had a few bad moments with needles (don’t look, don’t look …). But …

Started reading The Expanse novels, because SyFy is doing this series as a show. So far there are some dramatic differences in the books versus the tv show, but both are good, so I’m not going to worry about it. Took a while to latch onto some characters (which is important in either a book or a show) and find someone I liked and wanted to know more about. We’ll see how all that goes.

Sunday we drove down to San Jose for the final rehearsal of the play the Golden Stag Players are doing Saturday at WK 12th Night. CJ got roped into the costume shop (she can’t help herself), and I watched the two run throughs of the play. There were a couple major characters out for personal reasons (argh — I always hated that when I was director), and as expected the second run was better than the first. A few too many modern references thrown in, but oh well. It’ll be a fun show. I’ll be recording it but that’s really the extent of my involvement. CJ on the other hand designed the costumes, and her apprentice wrote the scenario (with her help). She’s sewing on one of the costumes today (nearly done). Good grief.

And of course Saturday is 12th Night, but even though it’s practically in our back yard, we’ll be hotelling it. It allows us to stay up and party and not have to drive anywhere, and to be able to get up at a decent hour in the morning and be ready for things.

CJ goes back to work Monday, and I’m still looking. I sent my resume off to a friend who works with people’s resumes all the time today. We’ll see how that goes. No need to talk about how frustrating the job market can be these days. I’ve mentioned it plenty in the recent past.

Am seriously going to get into working on an online course about dBASE soon. I am starting to outline it, and get it ready. It will be based on my books, but the structure may be a little different. Less detail in some areas, more in others, building an application from scratch, after discussing and teaching the basics of programming. We’ll see if that helps bring in any money. Well, rambling done for now …

Venting … nothing to see here … (sigh)

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Having one of those Mondays. Spouse is off work for two weeks (this is the second week), and as expected, I am beginning to feel like she’s “underfoot”. Or at least a bit frustrating. I realize that’s not really fair to her, but having spent the last 8 months at home by myself most of the day, I kinda got used to it.

I needed to return something to a store that I purchased (some shoes, wrong size), and so I was going to go to the FedEx store nearby (we’ll come back to THAT …), and we were going to stop at a local gardening shop so she could get some potting soil and stuff.

Fine. So this morning, she asks when, and I said “now would be fine”. She had to scan a check for the exchequer stuff. 25 minutes later we walk out the door. 25 MINUTES … it takes a minute or two to scan the check and move the scanned image to the folder it needs to be in. She got involved in her freaking email, then had to change her top, and do makeup and … and then as we were leaving she had to pick up some paperwork to get notarized and …

So, a simple two stop run turned into four stops (and I had thought we’d stop and have lunch, but that didn’t happen). Stop at the store with the bank branch in it to deposit checks; stop at the UPS store so she could have the notary do the thing, then to the FedEx store. Which, after driving behind slowpokes (25 MPH down Geary, really??) and idiots for a bit, WAS CLOSED AND GONE — as in there’s no sign it ever even existed — I have used this place in the past … argh! The FedEx website doesn’t seem to KNOW that this one is closed (I looked to find the closest store front) … argh! So off to the gardening shop and home. I’ll have to go to the big one in downtown WC, since that seems to be the only one around here. WTF? I’ll do that tomorrow and just add it to the stack of shit I need to get done … but I’m going by myself this time.

Feeling totally unproductive on my side. I am reaching a point where I will be pleased as punch when she goes back to work next Monday. Of course, I’d be happy if I went back to work, but that’s another issue …

Venting here because she’s not likely to see it (heck, I doubt anyone sees this stuff), and it gets it out of my system. Grrrr. Well, mostly …