Still blue …

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I’ve been trying to avoid depression, and while not really depressed, far from at my best.

Job situation still sucks. Trying something different — reaching out to some folk on LinkedIn through messaging. Starting with one of the publishers I’ve worked with and had a good relationship with for awhile. Had a friend help me out a bit there by editing what I had written and making it much more succinct. Maybe it’ll help.

Have been trying to take the knowledge I’ve gained from the three web courses to build a full CMS from scratch. Have hit a wall with a function (file validation for uploads) — it bombs out consistently, but all the examples I’ve seen show it working. Argh. Sent code to a friend in Scotland who knows PHP really well, just in time for him to be heading off on a vacation trip to France, so no clue when he can get back to me. Have played with the database design, and dealt with the ‘static’ pages for the site, but am just not feeling the urge to jump back in and tinker with it. I’ll get back in there.

Yesterday I could blame some of it on a lack of sleep (woke up around 2ish and didn’t really get back to sleep until just before the alarm …) — was in pretty bad shape most of the day. Today … well, I slept fairly well, just feeling blahs.

Feel like nothing will be right again in the universe … I know things “get bad before they get better” sometimes, but sheesh. I am beginning to wonder when the “get better” part is. Cripes … I’m 58 years old, I have a huge and interesting background, I’m a great employee, but I can’t manage to get a freaking job.

No one wants to be around you when you’re down (and understandably), but I am having a really hard time maintaining “up”. CJ’s trying to not let the exchequer thing drag us both down (we haven’t had a huge amount of socializing with friends or family — “Can’t, have to exchequer …”), and get us out there, but seriously …? All she wants to (and really is able to) talk about most of the time is the exchequer office, and all I really want to talk about is the lack of work, or my PHP projects, both of which can get boring pretty damn quickly … just feeling more and more disconnected. Which doesn’t help pull me out of my funk. Sigh.

Oh well … just felt like dumping this here, rather than on Facebook. Some days getting the frowny faces to a post doesn’t really help … I mean, knowing people care is all fine, but it doesn’t help me get a job, it doesn’t help me feel better about my situation … so … “Am I blue?” Um, yeah. Pretty damn blue. And getting tired of it.