|A Mirror Into Ken's Past -- Triumphs, Regrets, etc.|
I thought I'd put some things down here that are general observations, some "triumphs", "regrets", and whatever else that doesn't seem to fit into anything else in this biography ...
Sometimes people ask if I ever regretted not having children. The answer is always "No". Honestly. Maybe it has to do with the way I was brought up, but I never felt I would be a good father. I am not all that comfortable around children, even teenagers most of the time -- although if I had become a teacher I am sure that would have changed over time. <grin> Carolyn and I had both decided that neither of was interested in having children long before we met each other, which was a bonus when we got together. I suppose the cats sort of fill whatever paternal needs I might have, if any.
That said, this is a personal decision, and I certainly don't hate children (not unless there's a good reason, and it's a case-by-case decision <g>) or people who have children. At least not categorically. I do of course have problems with parents who have children "because they're supposed to" and then ignore them (or "bad parents" in general, I could rant a bit, but I won't -- there are people who do that much better than I do). As a matter of fact, I get along great with my brother-in-law's children, and they apparently (or so I've been told) adore me.
There are a variety of things I'm proud of that I've done over the years.
I think I did a pretty good job with the gaming conventions I ran while I was in College. These helped raise money for the SCA, but everyone seemed to have a good time, and they came back each year for the four that I ran.
I actually graduated College. That was, if you have read this all the way through, a pretty difficult task -- although I caused a lot of the problems I encountered along the way. The fact that I made it is something I'm pleased with. My diploma is framed and on the wall at home. I'm the only person in my immediate family to have done so ...
Marrying Carolyn was one of the smartest things I ever did. We've never looked back, and while we have an occaisional spat, I think we're pretty happy.
My friends in general. I say "in general" because I have a LOT of friends, most of them in the SCA (see below). Our friends (both Carolyn and mine) are a pretty spiffy bunch of people, both individually and together. Friendships like these are part of what make it worth sticking around in this world. It would be impossible to try to list everyone we consider our friends, so I won't, because I would invariably insult someone by accidentally leaving them off the list.
Completing my first book (The dBASE Book), which was quite a trial. While the amount of money earned from the book has not been huge, the users who have it have thought it was useful. This has spurred me to attempt a couple more books. However, we'll see how that goes. It's a hard process ...
As noted throughout this bio, the SCA has played an important role in my life, and there are a lot of things that I've done in the SCA.
There's more -- there always is. Like my father I find that if I am bored, I hate life. Therefore, I keep busy.
Oddly enough, after all of this, there are very few regrets in my life.
I am sorry to the folk I've hurt over the years. I am not someone who wantonly goes through life trying to hurt people. Most of the hurt I've caused has been in relationships, which of course is the easiest place to cause damage. This is sort of a general apology to anyone I've managed to hurt in whatever fashion. I know that this doesn't really work, but it helps me feel better. I have tried over the years to apologize to individual people I know I've hurt.
Of the ladies out there that I dated, or almost dated, or ... I have a couple of specific regrets: I know I hurt Courtney pretty badly -- we were both young, we shouldn't have gotten married when we did, but there was no need for either of us to do or say some of what we did or said to the other. I regret that Beth and I never really got a relationship off the ground -- it might have been pretty special (but this is a "might-have-been", and we'll never know). I am happy for Beth (and Randy) now, and we're friends, but there will always be a bit of regret there that we never tried to have more than we did. I've already apologized to Donna in person for the poor way I treated her after we moved to the Bay Area ...
There are times I regret moving to the Bay Area -- leaving Alaska where I was a very happy camper for awhile and where I really grew up, and then I look at all the good things that have happened over the years. The only real regret there is that I don't see the friends that I have in Alaska much (and some of them have moved, scattered to the four corners of the earth, like people do).
I can't think of much else at the moment.
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